There's a rock in my shoe.

I have to admit that I'm just not that excited about TV these days. When I was younger, there were always a few shows that I would watch religiously. But now... there really isn't anything on that I need to watch. Family Guy might have been the closest to reaching that point, but the new episodes just aren't doing it for me. It's quickly reaching the same dead end that The Simpsons hit years ago. That show just will not die. It's the monster in a shitty horror movie that keeps coming back. Your crazy uncle that's had 7 heart attacks, 5 strokes, kidney stones, anemia, broken hips, and a prostate the size of a dirigible. Someone, pull the plug, it's getting embarrassing. I guess we'll just have to hide it in the basement...

My favorite TV show of all time is undoubtedly Mystery Science Theater 3000. For the uninitiated, MST3K boils down to this: a guy is trapped in space with some robots, and a mad scientist forces them to watch really crappy movies. To make it through, the guy and the robots make fun of the movies. The movies are downright bad. Some repulsive. Some so stupid it seems likely that a 4-year-old was at the helm. So how does a two hour show of people making fun of shitty movies last 10 seasons? It's fucking funny, that's how.

There are literally hundreds of jokes each episode. Yeah, some jokes are duds, but that's to be expected. But at least it's not the same thing over and over again. [Side note: I came home from work today and had to sit through an episode of Will and Grace. A 30-minute gay joke. OK, I get it. Funnyfunny. Why 30 minutes? Why would there need to be more than one episode? Why more than one season? For the character development? Why? Couldn't it just be a 5-minute SNL sketch? Wouldn't that work better? How can anybody find that show funny over the course of one episode, let alone week after week?] The writing on MST3K was smart, and it was layered like a delicious torte - soft creamy goodness between spongey and crunchy, preferably chocolate. There's toilet humor, dick and fart jokes, pop culture references, cultural references (there's a difference), biting observations - and you know what? It's a show that grandparents, parents, and kids could probably all watch together and be entertained on different but equal levels. Fucking brilliant.

Sadly, MST3K got canned in 1999, and disappeared from TV all together in early 2004. Will it ever be back? Even in the current climate of digital cable and more channels than anyone could possibly need, I doubt it. You'd be hard-pressed to find a channel willing to devote 2 hours of its timeslots to "a puppet show making fun of movies." Our attention spans are just too short. Yet, Comedy Central airs something to the tune of 18 hours of MadTV each week. This does not compute.

Quick, order up 14 new series exactly like the thing we just cancelled last month! Let's make a show that's ever so slightly different than the hot show right now! What's say we cross "Groundhog Day" with "24"... brilliant!

Take 4 minutes of your time, and watch this clip. They're watching Space Mutiny. This movie sucks on toast.

It's not the best clip on YouTube, but it's relatively short and pretty good, in my opinion.

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Quick notes:
1. I hate it when I read or hear a speech that President Bush gave and he uses a word that I don't know. I can't tell you how stupid that makes me feel.
2. I felt like shit today, and then when I got home, I realized that there was a rock in my shoe. David Cross was right.
3. True Love is a gorgeous, gorgeous, heartbreakingly good song. More on this later. (Although I prefer this version.)
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Happy December.
xomatt